Category: Life

  • Anti-Bucket List

    I have been told for a while that I should have a “Bucket list.” I tried making one once. Actually, I was required to make on for a class. After the first few items it felt contrived and unsatisfying. (In that same class, I was a bit thrilled to learn that I had already done many of the things on other peoples’ lists. It also made me a bit sad that these same people had done so little with their lives. I wanted to ask them, “What have you been doing for the past decade?” but decided it would be rude.)

    Recently, I took an opportunity to tour a performance venue and enjoy the view of the performance from the camera room and Production Control Room, a place that few people get to see. While I was sitting there, I realized that had I had a “Bucket list,” that amazing experience would not have been on it because it did not even cross my mind.

    As I have pondered back on the many adventures I have had, I find this to be true of most of them; most of my adventures I had not known enough about a year or more prior to know about, much less think “I want to do that someday.” I often consider what life must be like for people who have hopes of their greatest life adventures in some decades to come. More importantly, I consider what life is like when those adventure milestones are never met. Instead of pushing all my hopes and dreams into the future, and possibly ending up with regret over the adventures I could have had but put off, I would rather take the adventure in the reasonable now. Furthermore, I think that if I already had a list of adventures to have in the decades to come, I would stop looking for new adventures, ones that I had never thought of before.

    I guess, in the end, what I am really saying is: instead of bottling up perspective adventures and holding on to the notion that they will come someday, people should seize the adventure while they can. This will let them hold to the memory of the actual adventure instead of the notion of what is to come. It also means that the adventure is done and cannot be undone, unlike adventures that are yet to come which could easily never come. Also, living now shows faith enough in your life that there will be adventures later too. Instead of hording them all away, thus meaning there are fewer adventures, living freer means the adventures will come freer too.

  • Digital Journaling, Here I Come

    With the end of the old year, I was pleased to find myself cleanly at the end of my journal. I love it when things end and begin cleanly. With nigh a page to spare I had to make a choice: buy a new journal or switch to a computerized journal.

    The decision was hard mostly because I love paper memories so much. They somehow feel more fulfilling and better preserved (though I know that neither is really true). Perhaps it is just nostalgia. I tentatively started a digital journal to see how it worked and was pleasantly surprised, though I should not have been because I knew what the answer would be.

    I have found that I am more apt to write in my digital journal, though in shorter burst (which I think is actually better; perhaps this is only because it is new and thus somewhat exciting and should writing will eventually wane, time will tell). Not only do I write more frequently but I can type faster and often more coherently (mostly because I can easily edit) than I can write my thoughts by hands. This means that I find my entries more meaningful and more passionate that many of my paper entries. Finally, I can record my thoughts wherever I may happen to be (oh, the beauties of technology).

    In end, I think this foray into digital journal keeping has been mostly good all around.

  • Art and Crafts

    I recently rediscovered and finished these:

  • Finding Yourself: Every Day

    (A continuation of Finding Yourself: The Journey of Self-Discovery)

    Bearing in mind that a life crisis is not about the most recent collection of experiences but about the expanse of small details processed previously, brings a moment of pause: if a life crisis is not resultant of a singular experience but from a myriad of previous experiences then perhaps instead of focusing on avoiding the singular we should focus on maintaining consistency in the myriad of choices we are confronted with every day. If we are able to shift our focus from avoiding the inevitable great tragedy to avoiding the hundreds, if not thousands, of minor choices that make the great tragedy inevitable then we can avoid the tragedy altogether.

    This process of maintenance will allow us to gradually expand our perceptions so that they become elastic and thus adaptive to whatever life has to throw at us. While elasticity may not be easy to maintain, modification of our personal mantras to include this adaptable line of thinking will improve our personal flexibility. Further improvement of our personal flexibility can be gained as we shift our living references from a vast collection of tracked items to a smaller, more streamlined collection of what is most important to us. That is, instead of trying to follow and maintain contact with a plethora of objects, emotions or persons, we can focus on tracking highly important overriding goals and purposes.

    Please allow a moment of clarification about the difference between “important” and “truly important,” most notably the use of the word “truly”: truly, used here, means: “in general alignment with the highest sense of truth as opposed to things that might seem true but really are not.” The distinction between the highest sense of truth and things that might seem to be, but are not, can be difficult to detect on the small, individual choice scale discussed earlier but when concerted effort is applied to distinguishing between the two an individual can often bring clarity to the choice of what is important and what is truly important. For example, after careful consideration one may determine that while money is important, housing is truly important. Or, that while food is important, closeness to family is truly important.

    The process of distinguishing between important and truly important items might seem trivial, but it is critical to reducing the number of life references one has to track. Instead of needing to track every possible venue of generating money, the important task, one can track the single need of housing, the truly important task. When the principle is applied broadly across a whole life, encompassing all life references, the resulting consolidation can lead to extreme simplification.

    As the number of life references is reduced so too can the effort used to track the references and the general overall cognitive processing power be reduced. Coupled with the reduction of references and the related liberation of processing power comes a freeing of the self from the mundane; instead of needing to figure out and understand a broad variety of things with exacting detail, one need only to understand a general concept and allow for the inherent flexibility in that concept to guide the decision making process.

    This ability to broaden the scope of focus while reducing the number of items and the related details needed to manage an experience is critical to the freeing of cognitive power for the processing and expansion of faculties. Remember that a life crisis is caused by our experiences outstripping and outpacing our current capabilities. The liberation of processing power means that one will have additional power with which to better handle the broad flood of experiences that would otherwise overwhelm and force the maintaining of a crisis management mode.

    Letting go of the mundane can be hard. We are trained from our earliest years to track, follow and monitor mundane tasks and they are presented as if they were of great worth. In many cases, indeed, in most cases, this is simply not true. Most things that we are taught to track are of little consequence. Most things we are taught to follow are simply illusions. Most things that we are taught to monitor and manmade rhythms, that while enchanting, offer little in the form of substance, especially substance of significance. Things that can be particularly hard to let go of include things that we worked hard to obtain, usually in the form of monetary reward for effort. The more expensive an item is the more care we usually give to the item. However, if the release of these burdening processes can be successfully accomplished, the mind will have added capacity to handle the new experiences of life and thus live life in a more enjoyable manner.

  • It walks like Pride, it talks like Pride but it is not Pride

    Sometimes, and I am still not sure why, people–especially the pious ones–are far too quick to assign things to the “pride” category. I noted this recently as I was working on a case study for one of my classes. In this case study a team of eight college men were assigned to a varsity team and another eight men assigned to the junior varsity team. In the case, the JV team kept beating the varsity team and the varsity team kept getting slower and slower. When the teacher asked what we thought the root cause was, almost immediately the class jumped too “pride,” “pride” and “pride.” By the time we were done talking about pride, my eyes hurt so much from rolling that I had to hold them shut for a minute. Perhaps I have read too many books and my head is swimming with crazy theoretical ideas, but I am convinced that the entire issue was related to dominance.

    The difference between pride and dominance might seem minor, but note that the proper treatment of each is completely different as is the underlying cause:

    Pride is a sense of superiority because of one’s unique nature. With pride, a display of a lack of respect comes because the individual believes that they could act, plan or otherwise do better than the individual currently doing. The cure for pride is whatever it takes to bring the individual to realize that they are not as special or superior as they believed they are and that while they are special, there are others who are special too and might, just might be able to do something better than they can. And if not, if they are truly the best at something, it is okay to allow others to try.

    Dominance is a sense of knowing who, informally, is in charge and thus who you need to answer too. With dominance, a display of a lack of respect comes because the individual is unsure of his place in the informal social hierarchy (and it is most often men who publicly display their struggle for dominance where women generally fight behind closed doors). The cure for dominance is to allow the group to establish dominance through whatever means they would like.

    Contrary to the natural inclination, the formal leader (i.e. the coach in the case) cannot dictate the terms of how this dominance is established though they can help facilitate the dominance establishment. That is to say, the leader cannot say, “we are going to throw cupcakes at each other and who ever gets creamed the least is the most dominant among you.” This will not work because few people would respect this display of dominance. Instead the leader would need to think through what the individuals would respect and give them ability to express their dominance in that manner. So in the case of the jocks, perhaps a display of who can run the fastest, lift the most weight of some other such display.

    Other emotional states that might be confused with pride include apathy (a lack of care about the task at hand or the individuals with whom the task is to be completed), stubbornness (a lack of desire to change, simply because it is change) and pessimism (a consistent viewing of events in the world as being negative and against the individual). While all of these might have a similar outward appearance to pride, each of them is a very different driving cause and thus would have different treatments.