“The Good News About Bad Behavior” by Katherine Reynolds Lewis

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  • The question to ask is, “Why kids won’t can’t do what we want them to do?”
  • Early childhood trauma mitigates future phobia
  • Children need to experience moderate stress and then relief
  • Yelling at a child is basically the same as hitting them (based on brain scans)
  • Holding hands is really powerful
  • Schizophrenic patients back home fare worse since schizophrenic patients living with strangers
  • Expressed emotion
  • No casual criticisms
  • Executive function has little correlation with intelligence
  • Demonstrating imperfection to your kids helps them by okay with their own imperfections
  • Styles
    • Authoritarian (“the good old days”): Tells what to do
    • Authoritative (best): Explains why we are doing it; negotiates when reasonable alternatives are presented
      • Connection with children
      • Communication about problems
      • Building skills of children
    • Permissive (worst): Lets the kids do what they want
  • Excessive time with pre-teens does little to support their growth
  • Relationships and independence are the most important pieces of parenting
  • Mistaken goals are when children try to belong through powerful, negative emotional engagement
  • Negligence forces the brain to mature prematurely that results in over anxiety
  • Read and discuss things
  • Instead of praise, state what you are seeing
    • “I see Daniel has put his coat on the hanger”
    • Praising can make a praise addict where identification helps them feel seen
  • Kids are predictable, plan ahead
  • Do things with children, not to them
  • Consequences need to be known ahead of time
  • The goal is to show a behavior, not to “like” it

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