Action Figure Daniel

Category: Reading

  • “Think Again” by Adam Grant

    • People adapt, not companies
    • We have three thinking modes: preacher, prosecutor, politician
    • Mental power is not the same as mental dexterity
    • People with high IQs tend to be able to identify patterns very quickly and thus fall into stereotyping very quickly
    • Those who lack competence tend to have the most confidence, this is the Dunning-Kruger effect
    • Experience is different than expertise
    • Humility is to be grounded and understand that what you can achieve is different than understanding your skills
    • We should be confident in our skills but humble in understanding the problem we are trying to solve
    • Imposters tend to work harder and smarter because they have something to prove
    • We need to detach our past-self from our present-self
    • We need to also detach our identity from our opinions
    • The most accurate forecasters reassess their predictions 3-4 times
    • When you make a prediction, make a list of conditions that would make you change your mind
    • Relationship conflict is bad for productivity; Task conflict is great for decision making
    • Agreeable people are good for support
    • Disagreeable people are good for rethinking
    • Be careful of drowning out the quiet voices
    • Starting with, “Can we debate?” is helpful to keep emotions out
    • Focus on How not Why
    • Fewer facts make a stronger case… If some facts can be dismissed then it is easier to dismiss the whole case
    • Try examining a Strong Man, the benefits of their strongest argument
    • Conversations about the conversation help sidestep emotional entanglements and can diffuse stubbornness
    • Counter factual thinking can help build empathy for alternative viewpoints
    • Imagine if you had been born in a different month and had a different sign and were discriminated against because you were born in a different month; how would you feel?
    • “Ada-bra-ka-da-bra” is Hebrew for “I create as I speak”
    • Sympathy often works better than attempting to fix things
    • Boiling things down to two conflicting points encourages entrenchment
    • Complexity is a signal of reality of credibility
    • Ask your boss, “What are you working to improve right now?”
    • Safety and accountability are important
    • Focus on the outcome and process
    • Commitment Escalation is a leading cause of preventable failures
    dunning-kruger-effect_15d723a27fe7e950f1786e9505e968e0_2000.jpg (1920×1080) (umarbahadoor.com)

  • “Salt: A World History” by Mark Kurlansky

    • Chinese were the first to mine salt
    • Gunpowder is made from salt
    • Egyptian tombs have two parts, the below ground burial and an above ground offering
    • Proteins unravel in the presence of heat, salt
    • Salt mines shift under their weight and close their own cracks as brine fills and dries
    • The Celtic economy was based on salt
    • “Common salts” is a Roman idiom
    • Curing fish enabled mass distribution of fish and people who could eat fish rations
    • Milk curdles under contact with animal skin, especially the stomach
    • Fat resists salt which is why oily fish need to be salted more and pressed

  • “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss

    • Ask open-ended questions to retain control and divert attention
      • “How can I do that?”
    • Fast, emotional thinking informs and guides our slower, rational response
    • Assumptions blind, hypothesis guide
    • Make yourself unimportant to the negotiations
    • Cognitive bias is focused on making a coherent story, not gathering information
    • Focus on listening to their wants, needs, and aspirations
    • Slow the conversation down
    • Generally you want the playful voice but sometimes late-night-dj
    • Repeat the last three words they said
    • To calm aggression
      • Use the late night DJ voice
      • Start with “sorry”
      • Mirror
      • Silence, at least 4 seconds
    • Negotiating should be a discovery not a contest
    • Label feelings with, “It seems like…”
    • Clear the road before advertising the destination
    • Getting a “no” helps you clarify things
    • People have a need to say “No” to feel in control so get them to say it early
      • “Is now a bad time?” is good to ask
      • “Have you given up on this project?” is like walking away from the stubborn child who refuses to leave the park
    • The goal is to help them feel safe, secure, and in control
    • “Yes” is often an escape route
    • “That’s right” is gold, “You’re right” is death
    • Be careful of compromise, it often leaves both side unhappy and turns out a worse outcome
    • No deal is better than a bad deal
    • When assessing a threat, look for answers to who, what, when, where
    • “What does it take to be successful here?”
    • “How am I supposed to do that?” asks the other party to help and while helping them feel in control
    • The other side always has a team… Make sure you are engaging everyone on that team
    • “Yes” is nothing without “how”
      • “How will we accomplish our contract?”
      • “How do we know we are on-track?”
      • “How will we know when we are off-track?”
    • People who can break the deal are often more critical than the deal maker
    • There are assertive, accommodating, and analytical people
      • Analysts
        • Want time to think before responding; they value precision in their responses so try to can consider all the angles
        • Do not care for human interactions
        • Expect equity in anything given
      • Accommodators
        • Love social interaction and seek engagement
        • Do not necessarily need reciprocity
        • Takes silence to mean anger
      • Assertives
        • Need to feel heard before they can listen
        • Value victories
        • Takes silence as an invitation to keep talking
        • Give them an inch and they will go a mile
    • The golden rule is wrong here (and most places): Treat other how they want to be treated
    • Focus on the issues not the person
    • It is good to hit the pause button when things are not going well
    • Decreasing concessions ending are ideal:
      • Set an extreme anchor
      • Close the gap between the anchor are your real number by half
      • If needed, close by a quarter
      • End on an exact, non-round number to make it feel like you are at your end
    • Look for the “black swans” (the hidden motivations behind the negotiator’s behavior)
    • Leverage is having something the only side wants
    • Look for their “religion”: the beliefs that drive them to action
    • “They’re crazy” is our way for saying, “They do not make sense”
      • One side has information the other does not
      • They have a constraint they do not want to share

  • “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen” by Joanna Faber and Julie King

    • We cannot act right when we do not feel right
    • Put their feeling into a word then use that word in a sentence
    • Good feelings cannot come in until the bad feelings are acknowledge and let out
    • Often, trying to “fix things” is about protecting ourselves from the feelings of others
    • Just accept the darn emotion!
    •  “‘But’ takes away the gift you have just given”; use something like “The problem is…” or “Even though you know…” instead
    • Acknowledge their desires in writing or drawings
    • Match your tone with emotion
    • Help them fantasize what they want but should not have (“If you could have cake for dinner, what kind would you have?”)
    • Try leading with a statement instead of a question
    • “Please” should be reserved for actual requests
    • Offer choices
    • Think about how to put the children in charge… With restraints.
    • Use a gesture or word (noun) to remind instead of bossing around
    • Appreciate the progress you see before pointing out the deficiencies
    • Act without insult
    • Actions are for protection, not for punishment
    • Try to make amends, not apologies, instead of punishments (“Your sister was hurt when you pushed her. What can we do to help her feel better?”)
    • Problem solving
      • Acknowledge their feelings first
      • Briefly describe your feelings
      • Ask for, and write down all ideas
      • Decide the ideas that you both agree on
      • Try out the solutions, double check the plan with your child
    • Rewards are offered with an implied threat
    • We are driven by a sense of autonomy, competency or mastery, and purpose
    • Praise that evaluates sounds dismissive or dubious
    • It is not always appropriate to praise, consider asking questions or starting a conversation instead
    • Describe what you see regarding effort and progress instead of evaluating
    • Instead of praising behavior, describe the affect the behavior has on others
    • Try to avoid being proud (because it implies you did the work, not them) and comparisons to others
    • When they are discouraged, acknowledge their feelings and offer a new picture of themselves they can work towards
    • Quietly move to their level
    • Do not expect consistency in usage of new skills
    • (So much of raising kids well seems to be focused on helping them make sense of the patterns of the world)
    • Tell them what they can do instead of what they cannot, they may understand the words but not the context
    • Everyone wants to feel understood, act autonomously, be competent
    • Acknowledge the facts instead of asking obvious questions
    • Lying is a natural stage of development, guide them to being truth telling
    • All feeling are acceptable; some actions must be limited
    • We will not be calm and in control all the time, neither will they
    • Try telling the story of what happened

  • “When” by Daniel H Pink

    • Positive affect (attitude) tends to rise in the morning, drop in the afternoon, then return in the evening
    • We are more rational in the morning
    • Timing can have a notable affect on math, analytics, and rational work
    • Insight thinking is best during suboptimal times
    • Larks, owls, third birds
      • Fall/Winter births tend to be larks
    • Synchrony effect seeks to align type, task, and time
    • Determine your chronotype
    • Determine the activity type
    • Determine when you should do the work
    • “Vigilance Breaks” are short breaks taken before high-stake activities to make sure every one and every thing is primed and ready
    • Take a 20-30 minute “Restorative Break” every few hours
    • Frequent short breaks can recharge us
    • Lunch with autonomy and detachment is important
    • Napping boosts mental capacity, more boost the older you get
    • Best naps are 10-20 minutes
    • Learn to pause like a pro
    • Start right, start again, start together
    • Slow moving “When” problems can be just as bad as fast moving “What” problems
    • When a competition starts, judges have a baseline assumption; as the competition progresses, they adjust their expectations
    • Midpoints can put us into a slump or spark us
    • Midlife has less of a crisis and more of a slump from mid-thirties to mid-fifties
    • Virtue signaling is most important at the beginning and end
    • “Punctuated equilibrium” is the natural, human inclination to start slow, transition to heads down suddenly (always halfway between the start and deadline)
    • Thinking we are trailing by a little tends to motivate us better than almost anything
    • Interim goals help overcome slumps
    • Stopping work in the middle, when there is a clear starting point, helps prevent stagnation
    • We start editing towards the end of our setting
    • Give bad news first
    • Poignancy mixes a little sad with happy which is more enjoyable overall
    • Codes, garb, and touch
    • Synchronicity binds us to each other