- We have an average of 2-3 significant relationships in our life
- We feel betrayed by violations of ambiguous agreements
- New definition of a relationship
- Secrecy
- Sexual alchemy
- Emotional involvement
- Fire needs air to burn
- Often, the secrecy is what intrigues us
- “Confusing ideal and the real never goes unpunished.”
- We get divorced because we think we could be happier
- All parties are shocked by the revelation of the affair
- We need to transfer vigilance from the betrayed to the betrayer
- Volunteer information to remind the betrayed that you still remember the wrong
- Be careful to recognize the pain rather than trying to solve problems
- We (in the West) take pride in our “lack of jealous”
- We want to know that our partners came back to US, because they want us not because they had nowhere else to go
- Jealousy is a late developing emotion
- “We feel most vulnerable where we are most insecure”
- Contributing to the environment that made the affair happen is different from being responsible for it
- Without a chance to retaliate, we tend to move on faster
- Truth
- Is it honest
- Is it helpful
- Is it kind
- Sometimes silence is kindness
- “Do you really want to know or do you want your partner to know that you have the question?”
- Ask investigative questions not detective questions
- Cheaters do not forfeited all rights to privacy
- Sometimes we are looking for another version of ourselves, not a new partner
- We balance wanting security and adventure; these comes from different places
- Infidelity is most disdained but is still legal
- Breaking the rules is sometimes the point
- “Eros is a light sleeper”
- Time never exists on its own, it is what you do in that time
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