This book is an impressive collection of insights and studies gleaned by a consultant and professor over a long, long time. Most of the studies use some sort technological interaction to explore a human relational question (computers are a lot easier to control that people). For example, one studied compared how well happy or sad people worked with computers that were happy or sad (happy people prefer working with the happy computers while sad people prefer working with sad computers). Much like “The Shallows” by Nicholas Carr and “Switch” by Chip and Dan Heath, this books is a good read and then good again for reference because there are so many good studies presented.
Interesting tidbit: negative experiences cause “retroactive interference” to our memories; we have a hard time remembering what happened immediately before the bad experience. After the negative experience, however, our memories are increased beyond normal clarity. This is why often survivors of a bad accident cannot remember what caused it but can tell you, in great detail, everything that happened immediately after it.
Reading notes
- Evaluation is a natural state of the human brain
- We are wired to constantly evaluate other
- We interpret most things we are told as judgement
- We typically perceive neutral to be a negative
- Think NPS, being promoted is a success everything else is a degree of failure
- People generally get joy from flattery even when they know it is not genuine
- We tend to disregard criticism that we do not agree with, but still obsess over it for days
- Ideally, you can present a few negative items then a long list of positive items so they end up feeling good and remembering well
- Effective feedback is accepted feedback, not necessarily accurate feedback.
- How to criticize effectively:
- When criticized, we enter an action oriented state: fight, flight, or, ideally, guidance to improve.
- Give specific details rather than broad advice
- Break the bad news, let them ask some questions, then take a short break before talking again; This will let them gather their thoughts
- Telling someone something should be easy for them tends to cheapen their experience
- Praise for taking on challenges and addressing criticism helps foster a growth mindset
- Sharing an evaluation of someone tilts everyone else’s perception in the same direction, even if they know you are biased
- Negativity is perceived as smart, profound, and genuine where positivity is seen as superficial