- We pack so much on the “magic” of love
- Couples need to have a shared future facing vision
- “We expect love to hurt”
- True love can overcome everything
- Coupledom is fairly universal
- Courtly love (“love” for peace) became romantic love
- Increasingly, we want to marry for love and love alone
- Happy couples are all the same, miserable couples are all miserable for different reasons
- “Love” works better when thought as a range of actions than a feeling
- Quirks are an advantage to us but others might not appreciate them
- Thinking
- Abstract thinking, big picture, connecting dots
- Information processing
- Organizing things
- Facilitation happens through doing something Sikhs
- Attachment
- Anxious
- Avoidant
- Secure
- America is a low context society, where detail needs to be communicated frequently
- Attracting can be built over time
- We reference “people like us” to predict future behavior earlier
- More of a “Puzzle of Attraction” than a law
- It is important to understand why someone is attractive to you so you can track those needs as they change over time
- Losing attraction can happen because we no longer need the things they offer or they no longer offer the things we need
- (We see this often as couples “grow apart”, literally picking up new things that are not aligned with their partners)
- “I respect others because I am a respective person”
- Trust is earned
- Physical associations can be important
- Dropping the ball us more damaging than asking for help
- Work together to manage your ‘couple brand’
- Avoid self-identifying with other people’s pain
- Compassion is about feeling in their behalf
- “What you cannot tolerate in yourself, you won’t be able to tolerate in others.”
- Avoiding conflict is not ideal
- Ask your partner to talk about the thing, include why it matters to you
- “Authenticity” is often an excuse to be rude or mean
- The opposite of pleasure is comfort
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