Dall’Aglio talks about our “hysterical need to be valued” aka ‘loved’. He traces the roots of this need to the progression of Western society over the past several centuries: the rationalization of science research, political democratization and rationalization of economics. In the process we have transitioned from a culture of being told our value by our societal status (noble lineage and such) to a culture where our value is dependent upon our merit.
While this allows any one to be high or low value, it also puts intrinsic stress of each individual to determine how they will create sufficient value to satisfy their need to be loved. This need to be be loved is an expression of our desire to be desired. His ultimate conclusion: those who need to be desired do not value themselves enough.